”AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION IN THE SHADOW OF MOUNT MORIAH” by John Bavoso

00:00 - Intro

01:00 - "AN AWKWARD MOMENT IN THE SHADOW OF MOUNT MORIAH" by John Bavoso

SCRIPT: AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION
IN THE SHADOW OF MOUNT MORIAH

CHARACTERS

ABRAHAM...        A father, any race.

ISAAC...          A son, any race.

SETTING

On the road home from Mount Moriah.
Some time ago.

MUSIC CUE: “BROTHERS KALAMETH”

OUTSIDE AMBIENCE.

A SLIGHT WIND BLOWS.

FOOTSTEPS OF ABRAHAM AND ISAAC.

ABRAHAM:          Slow down, will you?!

ISAAC:            Nope.

ABRAHAM:          Please? I’m over 100 years old.

ISAAC:            I think it’s safe to say I’m done accommodating your limitations.

AMBRAHAM:         Will you at least have a real conversation with me? It’s going to be a long walk.

ISAAC:            Not at the rate I’m moving.

ABRAHAM:          Come on. Talk to me? Yell at me! Anything, but this interminable sarcasm!

FOOTSTEPS STOP.

DIRT SCUFFS AS ISAAC TURNS.

ISAAC:            What exactly is the right thing to say in this situation? To my knowledge, they don’t make a Hallmark card for ‘Thanks, Dad, for bringing me to the top of a mountain under false pretenses, binding me, and almost turning me into a human sacrifice but then only stopping because God’s messenger showed up and was like ‘JK, LOL, never mind.’’

ABRAHAM:          Isaac, I—

ISAAC:            You know what, whatever you’re about to say, tell it to the ram.

FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE.

ABRAHAM:          I know you’re upset, but God said—

ISAAC:            Are you really going to pull the ‘I was just following orders’ card right now?

ABRAHAM:          I guess all I can do now is apolo—

ISAAC:            You know what the worst part of this whole thing is?

ABRAHAM:          I can only assume it’s the almost-dying-at-the-hands-of-your-own-father part?

ISAAC:            No. It’s that for the rest of my life, I’ve gotta live with the fact that the first man who ever tied me up was my father.

ABRAHAM:          I don’t like it when you talk like that—

ISAAC:            Oh? Are we sharing things we don’t like about each other now? Because I’m not sure three days is going to be enough for me to get through my list—

ISAAC TRIPS AND FALLS.

ISAAC STRAINS IN PAIN.

                  Son of a—

ABRAHAM FOOTSTEPS RUSH OVER TO HIM.

ABRAHAM:          Are you okay? Here, let me—

ISAAC:            Don’t even think about touching me.

ABRAHAM:          But I’m your father—

ISAAC:            And stop saying that like it means something!

ABRAHAM:          Of course, it means something.

ISAAC:            Sure as hell didn’t just a few hours ago.

ABRAHAM:          That’s what I’m trying to explain—

ISAAC:            You think there’s an excuse for what you did?

ABRAHAM:          What I almost did.

ISAAC:            That’s a hair you really want to split?

ABRAHAM:          I’m just saying we wouldn’t even be having this conversation if—

ISAAC:            If God literally didn’t intervene at the last possible second! I’m pretty sure this is one of those instances where your intention matters just as much as your actions.

ABRAHAM:          Oh, so you think God is the hero in this story?

ISAAC:            Hardly.

ABRAHAM:          So, why don’t you take it up with Him??

ISAAC:            I intend to! Trust me, I have enough daddy issues for the both of you!

ABRAHAM:          I said, enough of that!

ISAAC SIGHS IN ANNOYANCE.

                  Now, will you let me look at that ankle?

ISAAC:            If you must.

ABRAHAM’S FOOTSTEPS.

                  Wait!

ABRAHAM:          What?!

ISAAC:            Knife check.

ABRAHAM:          You can’t be serious.

ISAAC:            Ceremonial dagger concealed behind your back once, shame on you. Ceremonial dagger concealed behind your back twice...

ABRAHAM:          Fine. See. Nothing in my hands. Satisfied?

ISAAC:            Proceed.

ABRAHAM:          Thank you.

DIRT SHIFTS AROUND AS HE KNEELS DOWN TO ISAAC.

                  You really can be impossible sometimes.

ISAAC:            Is that why?

AMBRAHAM:         Why what?

ISAAC:            Is that... is that why it was so easy for you? Because then you wouldn’t have to listen to me run my mouth?

ABRAHAM:          Who said it was easy for me?!

ISAAC:            I mean, it didn’t look all that difficult from where I was laying. Which, need I remind you, was on an altar.

ABRAHAM:          Well, you’re wrong! You’re my son. Of course, I didn’t want to do that to you. But when God commands you to do something, you do it.

ISAAC:            You make it sound so cut and dry. Easy-peasy!

ABRAHAM:          Nothing about this—nothing at all about being a father—is simple or easy.

ISAAC:            I mean, not committing filicide seems to be the least-difficult part of parenting to remember.

ABRAHAM:          One day, when you have children of your own—

ISAAC:            You really think I’m going to have kids?!

ABRAHAM:          Why wouldn’t you?

ISAAC:            It’s not like I’ve had an abundance of quality role models.

ABRAHAM:          I know what I almost did was inexcusable, but... look, no one’s wandered down from a mountain with a guide for being a perfect parent etched onto stone tablets. So, when an omnipotent being gives you a direct order, even if it’s terrible and unthinkable—

ISAAC:            About that...

ABRAHAM:          About what?

ISAAC:            That clear and direct order you received.

ABRAHAM:          What about it?

ISAAC:            How was this very important message conveyed?

ABRAHAM:          In terms of...?

ISAAC:            The medium is the message, Pops. God sent a messenger to stop you from straight-up murdering my ass. Did he send one to tell you to do it in the first place?

ABRAHAM:          Not quite.

ISAAC:            Care to elaborate on that?

ABRAHAM:          Well, it was more of a... feeling, I guess. Deep inside.

ISAAC:            This day just keeps getting better!

ABRAHAM:          Come on—

ISAAC:            No, you come on! For once, I’m not the one who’s being unreasonable! You were willing to kill me based on a feeling?

ABRAHAM:          Not kill, sacrifice.

ISAAC:            Wrong, Dad, because a sacrifice is something you’re actually going to miss when it’s gone!

A SCUFF OF DIRT AS ISAAC PULLS AWAY.

SILENCE.

ABRAHAM:          Isaac. You have no idea how long your mother and I prayed for a son. You were the most wanted child on the planet.

ISAAC:            And, apparently, the most disappointing.

ABRAHAM:          No! Well, not exactly.

ISAAC:            Very convincing!

ABRAHAM:          That’s not what I meant! I spent years imagining what your life would be like, who you would become, what great things you would accomplish. I think that’s what all parents do.

ISAAC:            That’s a lot of expectation to heap upon someone whose neck isn’t even strong enough to hold up his own head yet.

ABRAHAM:          Ha! You’re right, of course. But I couldn’t help it. I’ve been on this earth for more than a century, but I was going to get the chance to see everything in a brand-new way, through your eyes.

ISAAC:            Then why didn’t you tell God no?

ABRAHAM:          It never occurred to me if I’m being totally honest. I’m not a rebel, like you. Besides, I think I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to get to that point.

ISAAC:            If I recall correctly, you let the point get disconcertingly close to some very important parts of my body.

ABRAHAM:          But I had no true intention of ever going through with it.

ISAAC:            Then why the whole song and dance?

ABRAHAM:          Because my faith was being tested, and I had something to prove.

ISAAC:            To God?

ABRAHAM:          To Him, yes... and to you.

ISAAC:            You’ve officially lost me.

ABRAHAM:          I had to show God that I trusted Him, and would do whatever he commands. But I had faith that He never really intended for me to kill you.

ISAAC:            More faith than I had, apparently.

ABRAHAM:          Well, in your defense, you were kinda taken by surprise.

ISAAC:            Kinda.

ABRAHAM:          But your death was never a possibility—not as far as I was concerned.

ISAAC:            But what if that messenger never appeared?

ABRAHAM:          Then I was prepared to… do whatever I had to do to protect you.

ISAAC:            Including defy God?

ABRAHAM:          Hey, you thumb your nose at authority pretty much every day. I figured I could try it at least once.

ISAAC:            So, this was a teaching moment.

ABRAHAM:          For both of us, I hope. (BEAT) No matter what you do, no matter who you become, you’ll always be my son. The answer to my prayers.

ISAAC BREAKS INTO UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER.

                  Um… did I say something funny?

ISAAC:            No, ha! It’s what you didn’t say!

ABRAHAM:          And that would be?

ISAAC:            You could have just said ‘I love you, son’ instead of taking me on a three-day hike that ended in a near-fatal bit of performance art!

ABRAHAM:          (CHUCKLING) I suppose that would of have been simpler.

ISAAC:            Ya think?! After today, I don’t ever want to hear about how extra I am.

ABRAHAM:          Fair enough.

ABRAHAM STANDS AND DUSTS HIMSELF OFF.

                  Now, don’t you think we should be getting on our way? We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

ISAAC:            Yeah, I guess so.

ABRAHAM:          Here. Take my hand. I’ll help you up.

DIRT SHIFTS AS ISAAC STANDS.

                  How’s your ankle feeling?

ISAAC:            Just give me a minute.

DIRT SHIFTS AS ISAAC WALKS IN A SMALL CIRCLE. SOME SLIGHT PAIN NOISES AT FIRST.

                  Alright. Good as new, I think.

ABRAHAM:          Come on, son.

FOOTSTEPS AS THEY WALK.

                  If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been broken up about this whole thing for weeks.

ISAAC:            Now that you mention it, you have been moodier than usual. I assumed it was the prospect of having to spend so much time alone with me.

ABRAHAM:          The only bright spot of this colossally terrible trip has been having three days on the road with you, getting to know you better.

ISAAC:            But everything I say offends you!

ABRAHAM:          I know. But I still admire you for saying it.

ISAAC:            Look at you, containing multitudes and whatnot.

ISAAC LAUGHS AGAIN.

ABRAHAM:          Now what?!

ISAAC:            I just realized… Mom is going to have an absolute conniption when she finds out about this.

MUSIC CUE: “BROTHERS KALAMETH”

ABRAHAM:          Oh, dear God. You’re right. I hadn’t even considered that. (BEAT) You know, we don’t even really need to tell her.

ISAAC:            We 100 percent do have to tell her. You’ve been fearing the wrath of the wrong deity this whole time. I hope you like sleeping outside with the goats.

ABRAHAM:          I’ll get used it. I suppose. Can you at least not tell the goats about the whole ram-slaughter situation, though?

ISAAC:            Your secret’s safe with me, Pops.

ISAAC PATS ABRAHAM ON THE BACK.

FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE DOWN THE TRAIL.

END

10:19 - Interview with playwright John Bavoso